Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
