Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
