You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
