if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
