Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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