I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
