You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
