Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
