mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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