then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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