from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well you can't waste a boner
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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