we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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