I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
