Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
