dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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