I hope mine doesn't look like that
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
