i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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