Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
