this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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