smell my finger.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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