she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
