yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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