these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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