I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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