Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
