I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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