i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
