So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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