I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
