Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
