Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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