Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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