It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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