I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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