Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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