I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
