I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
