Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
my liver is dry heaving
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
