theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
