this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
