Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
