yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
