I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
