so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
