its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
