I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
