I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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