I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
