i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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