chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
