The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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